Saturday, May 28, 2011

All the girls

My blog looks so black and white now.  I need to show off my girls just to add a little color.  I haven't taken many pics lately mostly because I don't think of it-but also because the pics I do take of the girls don't really look like them somehow. I took a bunch of pictures this morning when all of my girls were hanging out on the bed.  They are kind of cute, but Joyce and Lydie still don't really look like themselves. Anyway-better than nothing!

Lydia
Joyce



Lucy loves brushing the girls' hair and adding "accessories"

Mom guilt

I know all moms have mom guilt.  I used to be pretty good at putting aside the "I don't do enough           " thoughts because I'd look at my cute Lucy and realize that she hadn't really suffered because I do all the important things. With twins, I worry about getting the important things done too.  Juggling two of them, I worry that I treat them more like a to do list rather than people.
Feed them, 
change them, 
clothe them,
replace binkie, 
keep them from crying if possible 
                                                                                    x 2                        

I remember nursing being a bonding time with Lucy. With these girls-I feed them as fast as I can and pass them back and forth with Danny to burp/change them.  If I'm alone it is worse-I nurse both of them and when one needs to burp I hoist her over my shoulder, usually de-latching the other one. Someone always ends up crying.
I don't think I talk to them as much.
I know I don't hold either one as much.

It all really comes down to attention. Each one of my girls needs my full attention and it is hard to spread it out evenly-especially when everyone is crying at once.
Well, this is whiny-but I'm tired.  I feel better having just written my worries out-they are only one month old, I'll get the hang of it.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Stats

26 -how many diapers I went through today. Why do babies pee/poop right after you change them?
5  - how many Disney Junior shows Lucy watched today. I don't even feel bad.
2 - how many Super Pretzels I ate
8 - how many feedings-each
3 - how many hours of TV I've watched. I watch TV while feeding the girls so I stay awake.
3 - how many times I've changed clothes today. I can't leave my house in sweats, but I refuse to wear anything but sweats at home
23 - how many times I've asked Lucy for a "little favor" like grabbing a binkie, grabbing a burp cloth, throwing away diapers, or talking to a baby. She is so helpful.
100 - how many times I worried about my babies. My only negative postpartum symptom has been anxiety. I'm not normally a very anxious person/worrier-but I worry about these girls a lot.
7 - how many chocolate cookies I ate. With Lucy I craved snickerdoodles, with these babies I crave devil's food cake mix cookies.  Somehow I am still losing weight.
1202848494 - how many times I put binkies back in mouths.

and I can't count the number of times I've stared adoringly at my girls. We are exhausted around here-but we are having so much fun.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Survival

Having a newborn reminds you that all you really need is sleep, food and love.  In the last three weeks I have found that is all I need too, and like the babies, I cry when I don't get enough of each.  Today is my first day completely alone with all my girls.  My mom went home a week ago, Marilyn is out of town and Becca left yesterday.  Surprisingly everything has been great. I even managed to breastfeed both girls at the same time without someone there to hand me a baby and burp one (although now I say that I'm not sure I even tried to burp Joyce...).  I'm hoping I can sneak a nap in sometime today.  For the first two weeks of my current schedule I was fine.  Tired, but managing okay. Last week the cumulative lack of sleep really hit me (and Danny who gets up with me for every feeding each night) and we have had a hard time functioning ever since. My mom came one night over the weekend and Danny was able to sleep through the night. When I asked him how he felt the next morning he smiled and said, "Less bad".  I guess that is the best we can hope for for the next little while!

I'm feeling good because we had a Dr. appointment this morning to check the girls' weight (they were not up to birth weight at their two weeks checkup). Both girls gained 10 ounces in a week. I am very proud of myself. Until now I have been feeding each of them and then giving them bottles of expressed breastmilk or formula. My Dr. said I should stop that now and exclusively breastfeed them.  I am so excited because I think that should knock up to twenty minutes off our feeding time.  I think the next day or so could be tricky because they are used to half heartedly eating on me as they doze and then sucking down a bottle afterward-so I expect I'll be feeding them every two hours for awhile, but hopefully they'll get the idea soon.

I need to get out my camera. If you saw Becca's blog you know that we tried to have a little photoshoot with the girls (and in a whole week we could only work up the energy to try once) and it didn't turn out the way we thought. You see all those adorable pictures of twins cuddling and spooning. Not my girls-they turn into cannibals and try to eat each other. The photos were actually really funny-each was more awkward than the last. Maybe I can get some cute ones one day. Lydia doesn't have jaundice anymore so that will help-her skin is so cute and pink now! Poor Joyce is still a little yellow and is starting to get some baby acne too. I'm glad she is too young to be jealous of her sister:) Anyway-I'll try and post some pics soon!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Holding Hands

Joyce smiling

Lydia smiling

Squished! this is what the womb must have been like.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Haircut!

You may remember from previous posts that Lucy has always LOVED having long hair.  She equates long hair with princesses and lately with Rapunzel.  After her last haircut (which took several bribes to happen at all) she was hysterical and for weeks she told me how much she hated it. Well, two days ago as she was walking to bed she casually says, "Oh, I want a haircut Mommy" and then shut her bedroom door. We were shocked and thrilled.  Her hair has been hard for me. No matter how cute we do it in the morning, it feels like after twenty minutes it is limp and ratty looking. When I mentioned the haircut idea the next day Lucy said she'd like to get it cut tomorrow-so my mom instantly made an appointment and we all kind of waited for her to want to back out. This morning she was really excited about it and so we put the babies in the stroller and went out! I had it cut pretty short (because who knows when I'll get her back in to cut it again) and think she looks so grown up! She did mention that she didn't love the cut-but she has also loved the attention from everyone telling her how great she looks. Hmmmm. As I read this post over, it really sounds like Lucy has us wrapped around her little finger and calls the shots. While that is partially true, I just want to clarify that to me haircuts are just not worth a fight. Dentist, doctor appointments, veggies, washing hands, brushing hair-all worth it, but haircuts just don't seem worth the struggle. Anyway-here are the before and afters:
long and scraggly

On our way to cut it!

Watching Dora while her hair is cut-she would sneak glances at the mirror to check out the progress.

Cute and short! It is stacked a little in the back-doesn't she look mature?!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thoughts on the Newborn Phase

When I was a new mom to baby Lucy, I remember thinking that after ten days she was OLD.  Each month I wanted to freeze her because I thought each phase was more fun than the last.  At the same time, I was super excited for her to hit each new milestone-smiling, rolling over, crawling, walking, etc.  This time around I am determined to appreciate each stage for the unique joys that come with each.

The newborn phase has been incredibly fun so far.  The girls still sleep pretty much constantly. I swear I didn't see Joyce's eyes open for maybe three days-they are loving their sleep right now. They are on a good schedule so far-they eat every three hours except at night when they sometimes lengthen it to four. I breastfeed one baby for thirty minutes (or as long as I can keep her awake and eating), then hand her off to my helper (I have always had a helper so far...a littler nervous about letting that go one day...) for burping and feed the next baby on the other side for thirty minutes. Meanwhile the first baby gets burped, changed and supplemented with expressed milk. When the first baby is done she gets cuddled or put to bed and the second baby starts the second half of the routine. Feeding them both takes between an hour and an hour and a half.  I try to sleep for the next hour and a half along with them before everyone eats again. With my body clock going crazy I hardly know what day it is and I am constantly hungry. Tonight I'm going to start trying to breastfeed them at the same time in hopes of cutting the feeding time in half-wish me luck!

One thing I love about this stage is how cuddly newborns are.  I hug babies all day long and they snuggle in and crave being cuddled back. Lucy loves hugging, patting and helping with the babies.  She is an expert at throwing diapers away, putting binkies in and holding the babies (as well as sanitizing:)

One thing I didn't expect with these girls is how very different they'd be. I knew they were fraternal-but I guess I expected that babies were pretty similar at this stage-especially since they're just eating and sleeping at this point! My girls both look and act very different.  For example, Joyce HATES being changed or naked, loves her hands tucked right up by her face and will sleep easily anywhere.  She eats quickly and then loves to fall asleep against me-and once asleep she is unlikely to wake up and eat again.  Lydia loves to be held and cuddled. She likes being changed and feeling clean. When she needs something she doesn't just cry- she screams and while rare-I always know when it is Lydia.  She has always been a good eater, but isn't the best sleeper unless she sleeps with someone (right now Joyce is sound asleep in her bed-Lydia was in bed for about 30 minutes and after fidgeting and crying is now resting on my knees as I type:). Physically they look very different, and while Joyce looks bigger they are actually the same length. Lucy has always been very good at telling them apart and likes to make sure they have their own little bunnies and binkies.

Well, that was as clear as my tired mind can make it-but I have been feeling bad about not posting because I really want to remember these days.  I can't wait until Becca comes this weekend so I can actually take some pictures of these girls. Why do I need Becca? 1) I am awake enough to feel bad I have no pics but too tired to do anything about it 2) Becca has a nice camera and is naturally gifted at such things. Okay now for some of the few pictures I have taken.

Joyce

Lydia



Joyce


Lydia
See? Always sleeping!

Monday, May 2, 2011

If I had another hand...

I'd:

*blog the girls' birth story
*take pictures and video of my beautiful babies (who only have a couple iPhone shots of them so far)
*eat
*eat seconds
*get out of my jammies
*put on mascara (I don't recognize myself right now with blond eyelashes)

Hopefully I'll get the hang of this soon!