Benign?

This update has been awhile in coming because everything has been up in the air. Everything is still up in the air, but I will at least catch you up.

While my babies were blissfully hugging Tiana in New Orleans Square last week, I got a text from Marilyn to call her immediately. I left Grandma and Katy to take pics of the cuteness and called instantly.  Marilyn sounded so happy and excited-it was contagious. She told me that our local oncologist had been calling with the pathology results and wanted us to know that the lymph node in Danny's neck had no traces of cancer.  I burst into tears and Katy started teaching the babies to chant "Disneyland Miracle!" That was my first thought, that it was a miracle. Danny wasn't even with me, I can't remember where he'd gone, but as he walked up I passed him the phone and let his mom tell him the good news.  Lucy saw me laughing and crying and she came up and asked me if this meant that Dad didn't have cancer. My cute girl, I hugged her and told her I hoped so- and that was when I really lost it.  At two and a half she was my little rock when Danny had cancer the first time. She was my buddy and helper and in that moment I so wanted to spare her the experience again.  I was also overwhelmed with how much I didn't want Danny to have cancer. It had seemed a done deal-but this was a glimmer of hope for a miracle.

After awhile the euphoria wore off and reality came back.  Just because the sample from his neck came back negative didn't mean there was NO cancer. When we had seen the specialist at Stanford and asked her about the possibility of a negative tissue sample she told us that the scans showed that something was going on-so if the neck came back negative she'd want to see tissue from his chest where the scans showed "juicier" nodes (gross).  Still, a cancer-free neck sample was good news and the dull panic I had been feeling for weeks was gone for the rest of my day at Disneyland. Unfortunately for Danny the panic only increased after the call and he went back to the hotel to try and digest the news. 

When we got home we called Stanford to see what the next step was. They said they wanted to do their own pathology of the tissue sample and would get back to us next week. To us that meant another week of waiting.  Meanwhile I was diagnosed with mono.  One evening Steve called and sounded excited. He and Marilyn came over shortly thereafter with a theory.  What if mono could light up a PET scan? The lymph nodes in my neck were HUGE-and wasn't Danny sick a lot last month? You have mono forever- what if Danny had it when he took the scan? Steve did some internet research and it apparently it is possible.  We called our local oncologist and our Stanford doctor and both said it was "relevant".  This is when we really started to hope.  Until that moment we had never gotten an official cancer diagnosis-but it was understood that there was nothing else it could be with Danny's history.  We asked Stanford to test the tissue for mono and Danny got a blood test. 

The tissue came back negative and the blood test came back positive. That means that his tissue currently doesn't have mono but the blood shows that he has had it...sometime in his life. 

So there you have it. He may have had mono when he took the scan and he is completely healthy-or he may have cancer.  We feel somewhat confident in the former because he has no other cancer symptoms.  We are worried about the latter because the scan showed "activity" ONLY where he had cancer before-not in any other places where you have lymph nodes.  I guess they don't give PET scans to people with viruses regularly because there isn't much evidence as to where a PET would light up with mono.  The doctors simply don't know which it is.

Now we have two options. Wait for a month (when any traces of mono are gone) and get another PET scan or get the biopsy and test the tissue in his chest.  Danny has been going back and forth. Currently we are planning on getting the biopsy. It will be so nice just to KNOW.  I don't think we could stand another month of waiting. Our lives are on hold and we are completely emotionally drained. 

We are hopeful.  Next Tuesday we meet a thoracic surgeon for a consultation and hopefully the biopsy will happen within the week. Then just another week of pathology and we'll know either way. 

I never dreamed it was possible that this could all just go away. Bless you our family and friends for believing it. Bless you for praying for a miracle. I've been so busy praying for help surviving it that I never thought to pray it away. That's what I'm praying for now:)